I want to make a zoo with you.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
