I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
