you guys were way drunker than both of me
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
