Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
