maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
