So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
