I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
