mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
