road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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