But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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