shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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