There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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