I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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