How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I think a kid would responsible me up
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
