Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
