May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
