If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
