i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
