dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
