I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
