There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
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