she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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