Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
