Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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