Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
