She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
