1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
