It's like God shit irony all over that family
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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