His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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