That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
