I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
