let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
