The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
