I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
