so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
