Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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