Pappa wants mamma naked
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
