The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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