I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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