i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
