So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
