Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
