He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
