Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
