I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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