On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
