I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
