just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
