I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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