ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
