It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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