I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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