You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
